Dear Fellow Business Owner / Manager,
Let’s face it — your service sucks. Bad.
Now, I’ll be the first to admit my service sucks on occasion too. But in my defense, my sins are unintentional. I am trying to do the right thing, and I either dropped the ball or hired the wrong ball carrier. You, by contrast, just don’t give a flip.
On the one hand, it’s impressive. You’ve taken indifference to an entirely new level. Your service isn’t just bad; it’s awful, insensitive, and downright dehumanizing. Just the simple act of engaging in the customer experience with your business is a soul-crushing odyssey through the circles of customer service hell.
Actually, mythological and literary references don’t even cut it. Doing business with you is nothing short of being a victim in one of the Saw movies.
And that doesn’t look like fun.
Of course, the natural inclination would be for me to thank you. Next to you, my worst customer service looks like a good day at the Ritz Carlton.
I should thank you for setting the bar so low that I barely have to raise my foot to step over it. Most of the social psychology literature says that human opinions are shaped heavily by comparison. You’ve made looking good all too easy.
So, maybe I should thank you. Then again, maybe not.
You see, while you would think that we would be able to shine by virtue of comparison to your JigSaw-esque customer experience, looking for better is not the dominant mindset that your customers walk away with. When your customers come to me, they are usually not thinking anything is better than that last place, when they come to me they are thinking how is this place going to try to screw me.
That’s right, being the next business to get your customer is a lot like…
- Being the next financial advisor to service the person who was just embezzled from
- Being the next person to date the person who was just cheated on
- Being the next surgeon to work on the person who just had a scalpel left in his chest
It’s a pleasure, I tell you, wasting away in Paranoiaville with the shell-shocked victims of your customer experience.
So, should I thank you? You’ve sent me a customer who is jaded, tired, defensive and ready to find conspiracies and malicious intent at the first sign of something going wrong.
Actually, you haven’t sent me a customer; you’ve sent me a victim of Post-Traumatic Shopping Disorder. It will take me months, maybe years, to gain this person’s trust and to turn them into a profitable customer that does not need hand holding and reassurance at every step of the customer experience.
So, again, the question at hand is should I thank you?
Grudgingly, yes — I should. Regardless of their mental state, I have a new customer now and an opportunity to make that person happy and to make the world a little better by restoring that person’s faith in business. And for that, I do thank you.
Just know that I will be sending you the psychiatrist bills — theirs and mine.
With somewhat grudging regards,
Adam Toporek
Ugh, I’ve been in Paranoiaville AND I’ve been a victim. Neither inspires much gratitude on my part. Thanks for calling that out. I think businesses do want to be happy to take dissatisfied customers from their competitors, but end up having their own customer service taken to the limits.
Shakirah Dawud recently wrote about this…Why Your Business Should Be Terrified Of “Dumb Pipe Syndrome”
So true Shakirah! It’s great to get a new customer but some come with a lot of baggage.
G’Day Adam,
Someone has to ask. “What on earth is this blog about? Is is an attempt at humour? Is it aimed at a particular client? Are you saying that all of us have poor customer service standards?”
I’d really like to know if I’m just missing something. I hate to miss the fun.
Regards
Leon
Leon Noone recently wrote about this…Staff Performance: Bust The Charisma Conspiracy!
You mean my post didn’t translate into Aussie?
First of all, glad to see you’re still lurking around these parts Leon. Always enjoy your commentary. And yes, this was supposed to be a fun way to make what I hope is a somewhat salient point.
I tend to write most posts in pretty straight up, a-b-c style. I don’t do much in the way of satire or creative takes on customer service, so I thought I would try a bit of a fun way to make my larger point, which is that customers who experience bad service elsewhere don’t always come to us an easy convert. Oftentimes, the comparison between the previous bad service and our hopefully stellar service is not what is most on their mind; oftentimes, it is paranoia that they are going to get bad service again that is the predominant thought. It is an important thing to recognize and to make sure customer facing teams are prepared for.
So, that was my message — even if lost in my style.
Take care!
Why do you think I hang around the crowd I do; I mean, how can I look bad among those knuckleheads, huh?
I have picked up some rebound customers and not tooting our own horn BUT………the experience with us is such a contrast to what they are coming out of, more times than not they will tell their friends as well how much we have done for them.
I have one example where their prior insurance experiences were so bad she just assumed all insurance brokers were shady and trying to rip her off. That was until we saved them $250k…….yes, $250k by cleaning up some sloppiness and finding them a good home for their workers comp. This was 7 years ago and they still tell everybody they meet we are the only ones came in and did what we said we would do.
Granted, all successes aren’t that dramatic, but if we can just get in the door the customer will typically see a difference.
I have seen the type of service you describe, and I’m glad it’s not us……
Bill Dorman recently wrote about this…Time to move on Brian Meeks*
I figured that’s why you hang around here… Makes you look good!
That’s a perfect story, because one thing I didn’t add (it didn’t fit the rant) was that when you do get a customer who is shell-shocked by a previous experience, once you get past that phase and earn their trust they are some of the most loyal and most supportive customers you can have.
I think these situations are great opportunities, but they aren’t always the easy-pickings people think they are going to be going into them.
Great to see you Bill!
Adam, I’m so glad I read to the end! By the time I got to “and that doesn’t look like fun,” I was wondering, “Who is he talking about?”
I got the drift at “I should thank you for setting the bar so low that I barely have to raise my foot to step over it. Most of the social psychology literature says that human opinions are shaped heavily by comparison. You’ve made looking good all too easy.”
Brilliant letter!
We think of rebound customers as rescue operations. They really do need special care, a lot of encouragement, and a listening ear. By the time they get to us and need help with their websites, they’re often angry, near-broke, and afraid they’re not going to see their project completed.
On more than one occasion, we’ve also had to break down walls with their previous web designers to get what we need, and that takes a different kind of approach. We have to show the other designer that we’re here to help extricate them as painlessly as possible from a relationship that’s gone bad — and that we’re not the enemy. That conversation is usually a pretty long one, as you can imagine.
Like you said in your response to Bill, once you earn a customer’s trust, they’re not only loyal, but supportive — just as you’ve been with them. But there are customers whose trust is so damaged, they can’t get past the belief that they’re being ripped off. Those are tricky and require extra care, to protect your own business.
I love this customer service slant for you, by the way. You’ve definitely found your niche.
Michelle Quillin recently wrote about this…When the Going Gets Tough…
Michelle…
“We think of rebound customers as rescue operations. They really do need special care, a lot of encouragement, and a listening ear.” You nailed it with that one! Rescue operations is such a great way to look at it.
Like you, when we get a new customer because they had a bad experience elsewhere, we see it as a great opportunity, but they often show up with that distrustful eye, just waiting for that bad experience to be repeated. That’s a really interesting dynamic with web design that you mention, where you actually have to work with the previous company to get the source files and so forth — bet you’re whipping out the Dale Carnegie books for those conversations.
Thanks for the great comment Michelle, and for your kind words and support. Both are greatly appreciated!
While I appreciate the humour I find it rather sad that poor customer service is more the rule than the exception these days. This trend has accelerated with the impersonal nature of e-commerce where its no longer necessary to look the customer in the eye, shake their hand, and say please and thank-you. I can’t help but wonder when businesses will begin to realize that customer service provides a growing opportunity to differentiate their business from the competition.
Hey Ian,
Good point about e-commerce. And you are right, customer service can be the ultimate differentiator if approached correctly. It’s amazing how many businesses still don’t realize that.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing!
That was the most entertaining article I’ve read in a long time, and a lot like my own writing style (when I had to do papers for school). And not just the method of the message, but the message itself was a good one, so thanks for the laughs from both!
Daniel Stoller recently wrote about this…Idaho’s Very Own River Gorge, Hell’s Canyon
I appreciate that Daniel. Glad you enjoyed it!